How to balance family and business? Does balance really exist? In this week’s episode, I’m getting vulnerable and talking about my challenges and struggles in trying to ‘do it all’ as well as sharing some tips for how I have found ways to ‘balance’ the load of family, friendships, and work.

Connect me on LinkedIn: Lauren Loreto & follow with me on Instagram: @shesbusyaf @brandgoodtime

 

Welcome back to the She’s Busy AF podcast. This is episode 53. I’m your host, Lauren Loreto. And today I’m going to be talking about something a little different, not necessarily, I guess, marketing related business. The reason I wanna talk about this topic is because it was a topic that, I was asked to speak about at a networking event in February.

When I was approached to talk about this topic, I said straight up to the organizer – I’m not gonna sugar coat it, I’m gonna bring the real. She’s like, “yeah, that’s why we want you to do this.” So, get ready. It’s definitely not gonna be your typical uppity episode. I am really here to just keep it real and talk about motherhood. Talk about balancing business and family. You know, whether you’re aspiring to have a family, or you have one and you’re trying to strike a balance.

We’re going talk about it all. So without further ado, let’s go ahead and get into today’s episode. So being successful in business and as a family member or a mother, or as a family member in general, right? I’m going to take a swing at this topic with more of a motherhood picture in mind, because that is what’s fresh and raw for me. So at the point of recording this podcast, my daughter is turning four months tomorrow. It’s also weird to say my daughter. I joke about the fact that like, I don’t really feel like a mom yet. I’m like when does that happen? I don’t know. I guess I’m asking out into the void, like when do you start to feel like a mom? Is it when you have to like discipline your child for the first time?

Cause with newborns, you just watch them be cute, and my baby’s particularly chunky, so I just like poke her fat and stuff. So yeah, I just feel like I have this little baby companion and that I’m not necessarily a mother. But someone is reliant on me and it is that child. She feeds off me. She does everything. So there is that aspect. It does take a significant amount of time away from the life I had before. So for the record, this is my first baby. She was born in November of 2021, and I found out – when I found out I was pregnant, I went to the doctor and my doctor was like, all right, yea. So you’re about this far along. I’m like, okay, great – so what does she do?

So this was March of 2021. And he goes, he pulls out his little diagram and he like moved it around. So it showed you, based on your last period, like when are you expecting. He’s went, oh, November – my jaw dropped to the floor and I had to ask “Of this year?” And he went yes, Lauren, this year, that’s 10, nine months from now. It was quite a wake up, looking back. I used to always say like, “oh, when I get pregnant, it’s gonna be like nine months of preparing.” I would say it was probably three months of preparing, because those first three months, and those last three months are just awful in pregnancy. Like, I mean, for me, they were. But the three months in the middle had so much energy, so much motivation.

So I had to kind of do double time in that timeframe, but there really is like no preparing for what you are walking into, especially as a first time mom, no matter how many things people tell you. You can be as prepared as you want with understanding how certain ideals work with raising kids, or like just being a mom, breastfeeding, you know, sleeping, sleep training – anything you believe in, you can be educated in those things. But until you have that baby in front of you, who is going to be different from every baby out there, you just don’t know.

You know, when I found out I was pregnant, I was like, okay, cool. I need to tee up for like a solid quarter to take off when I have this baby. Like, I want to be able if the baby comes early, I would like to have October, November, December just done planned out, done.

Like I don’t need to open my computer if I don’t want to sort of plan. I had told myself that too – I was like, yeah, I’m not gonna open my computer for two weeks, or for a couple weeks. I’m just gonna, you know, cruise and it’ll be fine. And that’s not true. I wanted to open my computer after about two weeks, and I just realized it was not going to be attainable. So a lot changed right there.

When my baby was first born, I was in a really dark place. I thought that I’d prepped. I was sorely wrong. I think I didn’t have like the mental preparation that I – like I was saying before – I just don’t think anyone is really prepared for baby blues. I wish people talked about it to me more. But when you have your first kid, I feel like the world portrays that it’s all rainbows, butterflies and life is so beautiful. And that is not how I felt. In fact, I told someone yesterday, like I was not obsessed with my baby until a couple weeks ago.

Don’t take shame in that. That’s just, that’s how it was for me. I looked at my baby and I actually said to my husband one day, I was like, “She hates me. My baby hates me.” She would just and scream and scream, and like, I never had a baby before. All they do is poop, cry, eat, and sleep. So those first few weeks were really, really tough for me. And I definitely had some baby blues there – borderline like postpartum depression, and you realize everything hits you like a ton of bricks.

I was so emotional. Like I had so many hormones just pumping around. I was just, I was scared. It was, it was a time that I was like, wow, my life has changed so much. I didn’t feel like life was over, but I just knew it was not going to be the same going forward. I do really think that a lot of it had to do with the hormones that are running through my body and just the immediate impact of change mixed with total sleep deprivation. So, you know, once I got that in order and we started balancing night feeds, my husband kind of stepped in and helped me out with that. My mental health definitely turned around.

Another thing that I had to do was ask for help. And this is not something that I’m used to, for anyone listening to this who also hates asking for help, when you have a baby, do not deny help. Especially if it’s going to help you sleep more. If it’s going to give you 30 minutes to go walk into another room and lay down for 30 minutes, like it does so much to your mental health. But yeah, in the beginning there, I just was struggling with a lot. I was struggling to find childcare. So towards the end of what I considered my mandated maternity leave, I was like okay, now I’ll start looking. I was thinking, oh, it’s going to be super quick to find childcare. It was not – it took me like a solid six weeks, I think, to find the girl I have now.

We shuffled through probably six or seven nannies. Towards the end, I was like, oh my God, I have all these strangers coming into my house to hang out with my child to test this out. When I thought I had someone locked in it, it turned out it wasn’t going to work out anymore. I’m like, oh, great. For a little bit of context, it’s really hard. Like it’s not me. I’m not crazy. It’s really hard to find a part-time nanny. I don’t need a full-time nanny. I don’t work 40 hours a week. And that’s also like, not what I want. Like, I want to be present as much as I can with my baby. So I it’s really hard to find someone who wants part-timem because most people want the full time salary.

So I was struggling so hard there. At one point I remember looking at my husband and saying, am I just not supposed to work? Like,is this just a sign that like, I need to just be with the baby. And I’m really glad I didn’t give up because I did find someone great. I have felt like I’ve struck a little bit of balance with work and baby, and it’s also crazy because before I had the baby, my peak productivity hours were in the morning and I would still say that is the same, but it’s different when I have a nanny. Someone I’m paying while I’m working, I can be so productive in three hours into the afternoon if that’s when I have her, knowing that that is the time I have to get things done.

Like it’s just a weird effect that has happened. Basically the productivity had to shift there. And that’s how I was able to just sit down, hone in. It’s crazy because looking back, and I know I’ve talked about some of these topics and previous podcast episodes, but looking back, I’m so glad I made the decision to hire, and I’m so glad I stuck it out because my business is more successful than it has ever been. Part of me thought, when I had a kid that no one was going to want to work with me because I’m a mom and the baby’s going to be the priority over them. It’s just that having a baby is – there’s so much weight that’s placed on a woman in having a baby.

I think outside perspective like responsibility, but it’s not the case at all that like, I’m not as productive. If anything, I’m more productive, I get more done. So I’m really happy that I’ve been able to grow my business still. I’ve been able to continue on with my clients. I’ve actually grown every single one of my retainer clients has grown in their retainer capacity since I’ve had my child. So it’s really cool what’s been able to happen in that like kinda transformational shift.

So this is just the start of family for me. I recognize that I’m a few months in, I know there’s mamas out there who are crushing it and doing probably better than me in a lot of areas, but this is my story. This is my perspective. And again, this is just the start. I cannot imagine adding a second child for any of you out there who have a second child, like please give me your advice because going from one to two seems very daunting, but basically I’m making habits now to be as present as possible when I’m with my children, child, one child and two fur babies.

I try to not multitask computer while my babies like in her bouncer or like playing on the floor – I really do want to interact with her. I don’t want my kids to see me as a workaholic who won’t pay attention. I know firsthand what that can do to a kid. But yeah, so this is just the start of it for me. I’m looking forward to, you know, what the future holds with motherhood and balancing business and launching another business. You know, we’re just trying to do all the things over here, but I kind of want to leave you with some advice, especially for new mamas who are trying to do it all. This is what worked for me. I’m gonna share that with you, this was, like I said, what worked for me.

Not that it’s going to also work for you, but just some things to try. If you feel like you’re a little stumped as you get into it. So number one, a supportive partner, I feel like this is a must. AJ was super supportive of me when I was looking for childcare. He never once was like, okay, maybe just don’t work. You know, he was always like, no, we’re gonna find somebody. And that was so important, a supportive team. So taking time off when I was in the hospital, I took off the amount of time I’ve ever taken off from work, which was, I think almost two weeks. I didn’t look at my email and that’s like insane for me, but it’s because I had a team that I trusted and they were very supportive and they pinged me if there was a fire, but there really wasn’t much and it worked out.

Supportive clients, if there’s any resentment with anything, any work you do with your clients, if you go do something and you’re like, I hate that I’m doing this, something’s up. Either you need to raise your prices or you need to lose that client. That was something I really realized there too, was the supportive clients, they were everything for me. You know, if they’re not supportive, great, it opens doors for bigger and better opportunities that are gonna align with where you’re at. That’s all I have to say about that one.

The other thing is outsource what takes time away from work and family. I’m talking about cleaning ladies, lawn people – anything that is going to help you feel more like you and allow you to do the things that you need to do to be successful in business and in family. For me, I have a cleaning person, that’s a big one. I was having groceries delivered for a while because, you know, the time and money, were like equivalent to me. So if I paid a little bit more for a grocery delivery, that was gonna save me time and let me do other things, or maybe not have to like worry about like hustling to leave the house. Which, as you know, with a newborn – if you know, it’s like leaving the house with a newborn, it is not easy. So having groceries delivered for a while was what worked for me. So outsource what takes that time away from work and family.

Then lastly, understand your capacity as a business owner. If you are just feeling overwhelmed and like you’re going to burn out and that you can’t really balance both, this is something you really need to take a look at. It’s definitely the one area of my life that I feel like I can control. So there are seasons to scale back and make time for your family. You need to prioritize and prepare for them.

Me looking at the calendar right now for the year, I’m having my actual church wedding with my husband. We had a civil ceremony last year. We’re having an actual church wedding later this year in September. So I know that September’s going to be a season I want slow down and just be present with my family. So I’m preparing for that now. Those are just things to think about – look ahead. Most families have a summer break. So what’s gonna happen? Are you going to put them in camp? Which, I really want to put my kids in camp because I loved camp, but not because I want to work, you know, because I want them to have a good experience.

But you know, maybe that means taking Mondays and Fridays off as a business owner in the summer so that you can be with your kids a few more days. What’s possible for you? Plan that out. So anyways, that is going to sum up today’s episode – pretty raw, pretty off the cuff, so I didn’t really have an outline for this. So I’m sorry if it was all over the place, which tends to happen when I’m like, “I’m just gonna wing it.” But this was definitely an impactful conversation I had with the people at this networking event I went to. So I wanted to shed some light in this podcast format. I really hope that as an aspiring mama or a current mama, even a dad, if I got some boys listening to this one, I hope that you are able to take some things away from this and just be the best human you can be for yourself and for your family.

The last thing I really want to say here is I truly believe there’s no such thing as balancing family, balancing business, balancing everything. It’s just being effective, where it matters. Really think about that, because if you’re striving for balance, I feel like you’re going to disappoint yourself and I can speak firsthand on that. But if I can be effective in areas of my life, if I can be a very effective mom and effective business owner – being effective fulfills me more than the chase of finding balance.

Because at the end of the day, my head is still spinning with ideas and things that need to get done. So if I can tell myself, “okay, Lauren, you were effective in what you did today.” Then I feel so much better than, “Lauren you spent most of your day working and two hours with your kid.” Do you see like the mindset difference there is? Huge. So don’t strive for balance, strive for effectiveness and do the best you can be, be the best mom, the best business owner that you can be. I promise that is enough. Thank you so much for tuning into today’s episode of She’s Busy AF. If you enjoyed it, please share on Instagram. I’d be happy to reshare. You can tag me at Brand Good Time and I will see you on the next episode of She’s Busy!